The whole business with Kiffo and the Pitbull

A memorable book I read recently is Barry Jonsberg’s “The whole business with Kiffo and the Pitbull”. In many ways, Jonsberg’s writing appeals to the aspiring writer in me – simple yet elegant, frank yet deceiving and wittily loaded with marvellously subtle humour.

Chapter 0

Assignment:
Write a description of a place, person or thing in such a way that you demonstrate an understanding of the use of similes.

Response:
Student’s name: Calma Harrison
Subject: Jaryd Kiffing

Kiffo’s hair is like a glowing sunset. However, unlike a sunset, it lasts for a long time and doesn’s suddenly turn black and become studded with stars. It is as wild as a dino on drugs and sticks up like ears of corn after a cyclone. Maybe like a field of corn that is the colour of sunset, and has been trampled by a whole load of drug-crazed dingoes during a cyclone.

Kiffo’s nose is like butter on toast. It was put on hot and it spread. His nostrils gape like two huge caves, but it would be difficult to camp in them or even light a fire in them.Though it might be worth trying, I suppose. They drip like your bathers when you hang them over the pool railings to dry. HIs eyes are as brown as diarrhoea, which only goes to prove that he is full of crap. Kiffo’s teeth are like stars because they come out at night. No, that’s just an old joke. His teeth are ars white as sheets that were once white but have now become stained by unmentionable things. Kiffo’s neck is short and dirty, like life. His arms are as thin as pencils, but if you try to sharpen them he’ll probably bash you. His legs are bent like brackets ( ), but unlike brackets there is not much of interest between them. When he stands he is like a cowboy who hasn’t realised that the horse he was riding has gone for a smoko break. He smells like a fish that you forgot was in the fridge.

His mind is as shallow as a gob of spit in a drained swimming pool. Kiffo is as intellectually challenging as a meeting of English teachers.

As inaccurate as this may be, my best description of Jonsberg’s style here is that he reads like a cross between Mark Haddon in “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time” and a PG-13 version of D.B.C. Pierre’s “Vernon God Little”.

Isn’t that just plain delightful? Marvellous humour in the writing. Try hard not rushing through this book (enticing as it may be to do so), but rather savour the intricate funnies interwoven in the text. But should you do rush through it, try reading it again – you won’t regret it. I didn’t.